FLORIDA TOUR REVIEW

22 November 2008

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  The drive from Tennessee to Tallahasse was cheap like 20 bucks, but Georgia is a long state and it was rainy, foggy, and muggier than greasy, sweaty balls in a pair of gym shorts.  I equated the journey down as similar to the formula for a really boring novel.  The climax was in Tifton, on Old Omega Rd, where I stopped during a rain storm and got an ice water and a waffle, ate it and left quickly.  See what I mean?  But things picked up after that.  I met Christopher Fleeger again, whom I hadn't seen since the California shows, at a Kangaroo convenience store and followed him back to Irene Moon's place, got aquainted with her and Kevin Blechdom, whom I would soon be travelling with.  They were all 3 still rehearsing for a tap routine for the upcoming Barnwave shows. 

ORLANDO

  The next day we left for Orlando in Irene's van.  It had a futon in the back so we weren't very cramped at all, in fact it was really comfortable and cozy, but we were completely caged in, for security, along with the gear, and looked like lost puppies whenever we turned around to look through the cage at the open road in front of us.  I told a lot of stories.  We picked up another puppy, Dave, in Gainesville who was to perform too.  He studies bats.  On the way back I told him how we used to catch them in Tennessee by slinging white tube socks filled with rocks up in the air and thier little claws would snag in the sock fabric and bring them down so we could cover them with a milk crate, he said he would have to try that.

DAY ONE

  We got to the Black Box Collective venue in Orlando early, so we walked around the block and got some Barbeque.  A man called I AM Ministries served us in a grassy yard and said all of the proceeds were going to turkeys and 300 Christmas presents for indigent children.  THE BARBEQUE WAS GREAT !  Then we went back to the warehouse.  It had really well done grafitti all around it.  There were maybe 7 or 8 bands on the roster scheduled for Day 1 of the "First Annual Noise Quarterly Report", and it started off with a man from Washington State that played an electric fiddle and told a story about how the ghosts of feral cats will follow you if you kill one.  I liked him and I liked his story.  Then three bands got added in between him and the next performer on the lineup which became a constant theme throughout the 2 day festival.  For every band listed there were three more added.

  It was more like an "Orlando Open Mic" than a noise conference with acoustic singer/songwriters and the likes.  A spikey, artfully pierced in the face girl, named "Self-Defense Mechanism" made a similar observation and was never seen again.  It was kind of hard to make out what she was saying but (dissappointment) was the gist of it.

  The Listener from Arkansas played that night with video behind him and that was pretty nice. 

  A guy named TV, and self-proclaimed Student of "Rat" (Rat Bastard) made ULTRA LOUD OBNOXIOUS NOISE running many people with ear plugs out of the warehouse.  Afterwards he seemed to take the constructive criticism from Christopher well.  "I would rather have seen you take a shit on the stage", "you should cut yourself" etc.  He seemed to genuinely enjoy those comments.  Later on when he bummed a cigarette off of me, I told him and I quote, "Look, we have been here for 5 hours.  And I have been holding a bowel movement for 5 hours, and I'm seriously considering braving the porta-potty."  And he replied, "I don't know about all that.  I just wanted some friendly conversation.  I think I'll talk to these people over here."  and then walked away.

  I did indeed brave the porta-potty and to my suprise it was really nice, with two rolls of really soft toilet paper, I had been holding it, all of that time for nothing. 

  Jonathan, Irene Moon's roommate drove down from Tallahasse separately with a friend, and the two of them showed up and performed together, one playing a touchpad the other a plugged in guitar, it was interesting, I had never seen that before and when they played it seemed very natural, like 2 musicians really listening to eachother and feeding off of one another only one was using a touch pad and electronics etc.  Pretty cool. 

  Dave played and did a really beautiful job with the noise.  Most would agree, Dave puppy got "Best In Show" !

  20 bands later, Ironing went on before me at about 2:30 and did a great set.  By then I was really tired so I did some old stuff to revive myself, then the Irene Moon solo show:

Irene Moon

  With the lights and darks and heavy deep end sounds made me feel like I was under water but not drowning by any means, and then Barnwave.   Good clean "cut his willy off with a rusty razor" wholesome fun, the people that were still there at 3:30 am danced along with them and this made for a wonderful ending to "Day One". 

  Almost.  (TV got "clocked" while walking to the beer store and his right pants leg was cut off of him while he laid unconscious in the road.  The clocker left his own blood on TV's shirt and TV came back wobbly, drunk and confused still wearing the left one.)  

  We got to where we were staying for the night, and a Tony Danza movie starring 3 Orangutans was playing.  I hit the bed hard and the last thing I remember was somebody saying, "Oh no - NOT THE ITALIANS !"  and I was out. 

DAY TWO

  Watched some Kenneth Anger films with commentary.  Went to Orlando's best electronic store, Skycraft.  Everything you can imagine with missles hanging from the ceiling.  I tried to buy a TITAN III/TITAN IV Missle Control Panel for Jonathan of Captain Ahab, but was refused.  They said it was only in the store for ambience...  Bah !  The thing was bad ass.  I was willing to charge whatever it took to get that.  With buttons that light up and say things like, arm, disarm, stand by, fire !  It was cool. 

  Third verse same as the first.  Tons of extra bands.  The listening was made better by spending most of the time in the van.  We talked about laying on the roof and feeling the noise, but did not do it.  I told a lot more stories.  I came inside to see The Russian Truck Drivers, and they were great, but at 2:00 am when it came time for The Laundry Room Squelchers to play who had already set up, the lights came on.  The shows were over !  The Noise conference was shut down by a "noise ordinance" that did not seem to be enforced by anyone that night nor the night before.  No police.  No upset passerbys.  I was really confused.  The Squelchers had driven 5 hours from Miami to perform, got set up and then had to pack up without playing.  You can imagine I was pretty pissed.  And I still am.  And I am being extremely kind in not truly expressing the anger I still harbor in my mind.  TOTAL BULLSHIT !  FUCK THAT !  SOMEBODY BESIDES TV SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN "CLOCKED" OVER THAT ! 

TALLAHASSEE

  What can I say.  Tallahassee rules !  Wakulla Springs ?  The place where The Creature from the Black Lagoon would disappear into the swamp ?  Where the original Tarzan (Johnny Weissmuller) stood on a bent palm tree and gave that extra special yell ?  Alligators and a baby albino Manatee ?  Great times in Tallahasse ! 

  The shows went well at The New Music House:

Kevin Blechdom

Barnwave 1

Barnwave 2

Bed Bugs II (excerpt)

Bed Bugs II (closing arrangement)

 

  Met some really cool people, Dorian and his Dr. Flora's Super Colon Cleanser stories, Ross, both Kevin and Christopher's parents, really too many to list.  On the way back to TN, Christopher road with me to Knoxville and I TOLD A LOT MORE STORIES.  We met up with Patrick from Langtry and Iron and Wine, hung out for a while and then I left right before Iron and Wine's sound check.  All in all it was a really good trip !  Thanks to Christopher, Irene Moon, Kevin Blechdom, Dorian, Ross, Orlando Steven, Dave, and everyone else who was there.   (Except for the asshole who shut the orlando show down early, he/she can suck a caged up dogs dick !  Seriously !)